


Validity in Anger

by Kuronrko98



Series: Maladaptive Daydreaming Work: The Cube and Related Universes [16]
Category: Original Work
Genre: Found Family, Gen, Self-Worth Issues, do not copy to another site
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-05
Updated: 2019-03-05
Packaged: 2019-11-12 10:48:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,552
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18009521
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kuronrko98/pseuds/Kuronrko98





	Validity in Anger

I used to only get one week per cycle to leave the Room. It used to be constant work, writing until my hands cramped, my thoughts strung through the air to be trapped on paper. One week as a break.

Or, I wouldn’t call it a break.

I don’t have to do any of that anymore. At least everyone’s complaints are spread out now instead of building up to demands for the week I get to be me. Even if being me isn’t always that much to be happy about.

“Gods are always such a pain to deal with.” The Seer slides into a stool next to me and holds their hand out for the drink Jess offers from beyond their line of sight. “And yes—I recognize the irony in me saying that.”

“You didn’t have to step in.”

They flap a hand dismissively. “As long as you handle the camps, I don’t mind playing diplomat.”

“I guess.” Good to know I’ll have to do that. I’ll add it to my list. I down the rest of my tea and sigh. “How long are you staying?”

“Until it’s time to leave.” They sling a grin at me, and I wonder if I could make looking happy so effortless if I worked at it. I wonder how their timeline could be _so_ different that they already can. “I don’t know any more than you do.”

“Oh, I bet you hate that!”

Jezebeth drops down on my other side. Aster joins us next to the Seer. The demon slings an arm around my shoulder and barks a laugh. I don’t ask how much he’s had to drink, his contact with me says he’s well past the memory of a number.

“It’s kind of nice, actually.” The Seer keeps a cool tone, but when I turn back to them for help, they shoot Aster a desperate look. “I, uh. It gets a little boring having a script.”

Jezebeth’s hot breath turns my stomach, too close to my face. Why is he like this? Why is _the Collective_ like this? _Why am I like this?_

“Hear you fucked up again,” he stage-whispers. “Threatened a literal god? At a _peace talk?_ ”

“I didn’t threaten him,” I say flatly. I gesture at Jess for something to drink. “I yelled. It’s not the same.”

He makes an uncertain sound and finally unsticks himself from my side. He lights up and reaches for the glass Jess offers me, but his hand goes right through it. They really aren’t that subtle when it comes to cutting people off here.

“It’s not yours,” they deadpan and set it on the counter. They wear a smile when they flick their gaze to me. “Just some Mike’s. I have a feeling you could use it.”

Jezebeth hisses something as Jess turns to leave, but they spin around and dare him to repeat himself. I don’t want anything to do with _that_ , so I return my attention to the Seer.

“You do have to go back eventually, though, right?” Aster asks. “I mean, you have your own timeline to consider.”

The Seer shrugs. “Eventually.”

“What kind of eventually?” I ask. “‘I say I’ll go home but never will’ eventually or ‘I’m going to vanish without telling anybody next week’ eventually?”

“I’m tired and the trails haven’t given me any clues eventually,” they shoot back.

Jezabeth shoots out of his stool behind me with a growl. “I may be garbage, but at least I’m not Sawyer!”

The Seer tenses slightly at my side. Their consciousness touches mine for an instant, then their hand on my wrist replaces it. It barely does anything to stop the cold _something_ coiled up in my gut at those words, but barely isn’t nothing.

Jezebeth’s skin has started to glow in the dim light. His fists, balled on the countertop, morph between the deepest night and the color of molten steel.

Not even Jess tries to say anything. They glare at Jezebeth, then shoot a glance at me.

“Ouch,” I manage to spit out. “Fair, but… ouch.”

That snarl, molten light dripping from his lips and eyes, turns to me.

“Oh, don’t pretend to have _feelings_ now,” he sneers. “It’s on-brand, and all, but it’s getting old.”

“Hey, that’s—” the Seer tries to interject, but Jezebeth isn’t having it.

“They let their friends on the outside say it, why not here?” Their gaze bores into me, malevolent and timeless. “Are we not friends, _Sawyer?_ ”

I want to shrink back. To run, or to scream, to tell him he’s wrong, but I can’t do any of these things. I don’t even answer. I just stare at him in what I’m sure looks like a mask of calm.

I hate it. I hate that I can be feeling _so much_ and my lip doesn’t even twitch.

“How long did you know, huh?” he continues while I struggle with myself. “About the tests Jay was running?”

As his form wobbles between one and the other, fangs flicker in and out of his mouth. Curled horns change the placement of hair that can’t decide its length or color. The shadows on the wall flicker, a warning of more to come.

“I wasn’t the only one,” I remind him, the steadiness in my voice a lie. “Haz holds the secrets, why not get on xir case?”

“You’re the one that _matters!_ ” he howls, and this time the horns stick. “You could have—”

But I don’t get to find out what he thinks I should have done. He chokes on the light still streaming from his mouth, one quick gag. Before he can start again, Aster has put herself between the two of us.

I can’t see what she does, but all fight drains out of the demon in seconds. She guides him to the floor in his human form with nothing more than an irate grumble for her trouble.

“He’s not exactly wrong,” she says, her back still to me. “But I’m still with you. He is, too, no matter what he says.”

“Should you be?”

She lifts Jezebeth with little effort and leaves the empty bar without another word. No one else answers the question, either. I return to my drink.

After a long silence, Jess announces it’s time for the Seer and I to leave.

“I need to sleep, too, and Connor will be distracted if you’re here when he comes in,” they explain as they shoo us out. At the door, they give me a look I haven’t seen on them before. They close the door without saying anything, though.

“So, where are we going?”

I shoot the Seer a glance, then a shrug. “I was gonna head to sleep.”

“Probably a good idea.” They step closer, too close, and peer at me. I know their aspect is time, but it feels like they’re looking into my soul. “Look at you, waxing poetic. Don’t let Jezebeth throw you into a downswing.”

“But he’s right.” I slump against the door. “I should have done something years ago.”

“You would have lost Jay,” they remind me, barely a murmur. “You know that. You always knew that.”

Is that good enough? The excuse that I would have lost someone—the one doing terrible things—if I had stopped them? How does that explain all the ways I enabled them? Gave them a lab when the Nectar Addict kicked them out? Let them have one of my keys?

How can I rationalize everything, just because Jay’s reforming _now?_

“You can’t change the past.”

They’re still too close, but I know why they’re doing it. I can’t run away if they block me in. I can’t run away, period, because the Seer can follow me anywhere I go. I would do the same thing if the roles were reversed.

I let my head drop forward, against their shoulder.

“I know.” I shudder out a breath. “I know that.”

“Yeah?” They laugh a little and pull me into a full hug. “I don’t know about you, but I wish I had this. For real, you know?”

I dig my fingers into their back, but they don’t let go. It feels so real, enough that I can almost forget the fact that it isn’t. I forget that they aren’t here, if I try hard enough. It lets me believe in having a sibling that gets it.

Even if we don’t share everything, we get each other.

“I know it’s a dangerous line of thought,” they continue with a soft squeeze. “But it’s a good one, isn’t it?”

I let out a shaky laugh and push them back. “I’m sure there’s a timeline out there where I’m a couple of genderless twins. Maybe two of us would be less dumb.”

They laugh shamelessly loop my arm with theirs to start back into the Cube. They help, they really do, but I’m sure they also know that my thoughts keep looping around to the things Jezebeth said. The accusations and his valid anger.

Even after I rejoin the real world and the Seer has resolved to braiding and unbraiding my hair until I fall asleep, I can’t stop. It’s a circle, always back to the same old fear.

How bad do you have to be that a demon thinks you’re evil?


End file.
